a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
