my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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