rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Randomize
