three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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