sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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