Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
