Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
