it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
