3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
