6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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