I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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