i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
