So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
