This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
