the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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