I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
