So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
