I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
