I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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