So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
