When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
