CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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