the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize