I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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