and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
