i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
