Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize