I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
MIDGETS
????
Randomize
