the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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