Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
