I'm sorry my penis didn't work
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
