just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
