It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
