Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
