dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
