my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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