I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
