just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
