So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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