You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
