My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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