Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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