So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
