Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
