Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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