Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
