Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
