so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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