WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize