Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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