i would punch a child for taco bell
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
