and you said cock pushups were impossible
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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