That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
