I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
