your thong is hanging out like whoa
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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