I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
