P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
