Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
