in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
