i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
