literally had 100 drinks last night.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
