I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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