dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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