I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
