It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
