Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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