A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
