I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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