I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
