I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
