hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Your cock deserves a montage
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
