Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize