no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
